


I'll Sacrifice Even Myself For You

by Woman_of_the_Book



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Whump, Arthur gets hurt, Awesome Gwen, Bandits attack, Blood, F/M, Feels, Gen, Magic Revealed, Major Character Injury, Merlin promises to teach Morgana magic, Not Beta Read, Not Really Character Death, One-Shot, Takes place when Morgana gets back from the druids, but Merlin uses magic to take the wound unto himself, it doesn't happen in this though, merlin whump, understanding gwen, upset Morgana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5790703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woman_of_the_Book/pseuds/Woman_of_the_Book
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Arthur being attacked, Merlin loses thought of everything else in the sight of his King about to die. So he uses his magic. Besides, Arthur is unconscious. Though Morgana and Gwen are actually standing right behind him. But no matter when the choice comes to light. Arthur's life, or... his?<br/>Originally posted on FF.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Sacrifice Even Myself For You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF.net

It was just supposed to be a simple ride in the woods.

Of course it could never be that simple.

* * *

"Arthur!" Gwen shouted worriedly as she saw the man in question fighting the oncoming bandits single handedly. Of all the days they could have been attacked, it had to be the day where the four of them were unaccompanied by guards.

Merlin didn't stop tugging on her as well as Morgana though, despite their struggles.

"Gwen, Morgana, please!" Merlin hissed, desperately hoping the bandits hadn't been alerted to their presence at Gwen's shout.

"Merlin, let us go!" Morgana tried to pull free from his grasp, and surprisingly, for such a noticeably thin, gangly and commonly known as a clumsy man, Merlin's grip was definitely strong, all the more for which Merlin was thankful for as he finally reached their horses.

Mentally sending out calming tendrils of magic towards the agitated horses, Merlin faced the girls.

"Morgana, Gwen, I promise you with my life, I will do everything I can to save Arthur. But please, I cannot do it with you here," Merlin said desperately.

"And why ever not?" Morgana immediately shot back, fire dancing in her eyes. "We can fight-"

"But you are the king's Ward Morgana!" Merlin cut her off, all the while aware of Arthur still fighting behind them. "If anything were to happen to you-"

"And nothing will. But I can't guarantee the same for Arthur if you're going to just stand here trying to send us off!" Morgana interrupted this time, and Merlin sighed irritatedly, an anxious Gwen quietly looking back and forth between the two.

"Morgana-" a grunt of pain, quiet and quickly smothered. It could have been easily missed had Merlin not made his magic to help him be more aware of Arthur's presence. It was enough to make Merlin shut hit mouth in horror, letting the women go and running back to the clearing.

"Arthur!" He felt the blood drain from his face, subconsciously shouting the prince's name as he ran forward, all thoughts of Morgana and Gwen forgotten. His mind was only narrowed down to Arthur, as he fell, blood gushing from the wound on his chest.

" **NO**!" He shouted as he ran, all his magic wailing within him and eagerly rushing outwards with his yell, blasting every single bandit backwards and effectively slamming them to unconsciousness as they made contact with the forest trees. Morgana and Gwen remained unharmed, though shock marred their features. Merlin didn't notice any of that though, too busy running to his Prince, to his friend, to his brother...

To his brother who lay unmoving on the ground, a dark pool of blood rapidly enlarging beside him.

"Arthur," it came out as a broken sob as he dropped to his knees, bringing Arthur to his chest.

"No, no," he muttered, his eyes widening as he looked at the wound. It was easily identified as a sword wound, even Merlin could tell that. But it looked so deep...

He barely registered that he used magic as he tore open Arthur's shirt, jerkin and all. Immediately, his hands stilled as he took in the sight of the wound.

It was undoubtedly deep, and with each shuddering breath Arthur took, more blood oozed out, his skin paling by the second and his breath decreasing with each one.

Arthur was dying.

It was like a jolt to his brain, and Merlin's hands started to fumble again, his mind desperately raking for ideas. He quickly dismissed any herbs that came to mind, he still wasn't skilled with that and besides, Arthur didn't have the time.

'Oh, Arthur...' Gwen's voice beside him startled him, but not much, too deep in his hurried thoughts.

Magic. It was his only choice. And yet, without previous practice at any spell, Merlin was as truly as hopeless, even though he still went over every spell he ever read about in his head.

Unless...

"Please, Merlin can you save him?" Gwen turned to Merlin, tears running down her face.

He gave her a small, shaky smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"I need you to stand back Gwen," he said quietly.

She looked torn, as if she couldn't bear to even part with Arthur, but she nodded firmly, swallowing. With more tears dripping out her eyes, she stood, surprising Merlin with a quick hug.

"I trust you," and then she was pulling away, leaving Merlin shocked, barely registering the sounds of Morgana's light foot steps behind him.

But he quickly pulled himself together, and with a shaky breath, he looked back at Arthur's pale face. So pale, it was wrong, his breath light and fading.

"I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die," Merlin muttered, before placing his shaking hands over Arthur'a chest, right on top of his wound. Blood smeared on his palms, but he took no notice of it, closing his eyes as he drew into himself, feeling for his deepest reserve of magic. He couldn't risk failing.

Drawing it out with him, he opened his eyes, feeling his magic rush out to the surface, ready to be let loose. But instead, he controlled it's outpouring, directing the steady stream of his magic towards Arthur.

Merlin opened his mouth, words that had been only read once and yet ingrained in his mind as if his magic knew he would need it for this day, pouring out in his low tone, gathering with power and magic and slowly building in crescendo.

" _Ic bebodræden sé grundwæg æt lætan mec áberan þes bealubenn onuppan exon. Ábregdan þes eorðgesceaft fram angsumnes, álætan mec æt ræfnan sé swær!"_

By the end of the spell, he was roaring the words out, the wind whipping around the two men, as he concentrated on the magic swirling around them, and directed it to Arthur, making it wrap around his form and slowly up towards Merlin.

He sighed out in relief as he felt the spell taking hold, eyes watering as he let out a smile, though from exhaustion, emotional or magical, or from pain he wasn't exactly sure which.

Arthur gasped, his eyelids flickering as he gulped for air, chest heaving under Merlin's hands.

"Prat," Merlin mumbled fondly, before he dropped down on Arthur's shoulder, blackness overwhelming him before his head even made contact with Arthur.

* * *

His vision swirled spectacularly as he slowly blinked open his eyes. As he regained awareness, he could feel a heavy weight on his shoulder, and something that felt a lot like hair tickling his chin. Not to mention his chest, other than feeling as if it was being filled up, also felt wet alongside his entire torso.

It took a while for the tangy copper scent to register as blood. And that's when he also started to be able to hear Gwen's sobs.

Arthur wrenched his eyes open, staring wide eyed for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight drifting through the trees above. With a groan, he pushed himself off, but stopped as he finally figured out what it was on his shoulder.

Or rather whom.

At the sight of Merlin, Arthur had to close his eyes as a fresh wave of memories attacked his mind.

Being stabbed, the sword neatly pushing through his armor-less chest. Blood oozing out. Starting to fall. Hearing Merlin shout...

And seeing Merlin running towards him, eyes flashing a molten gold as every bandit, every single one, flew backwards as if dragged by an invisible force, and slamming heavily into trees.

"Arthur!" Gwen's voice brought Arthur back to the present, and when he turned his head, he felt Merlin slip off of him - or rather, being pulled off of him as Gwen pressed a hand to her mouth, horror, shock, fear, and a deep amount of sadness all playing on her face as she stared at Merlin's chest.

Slowly, Arthur looked down as well, and blanched as he took in the gaping wound on his servant's chest. So similar to his own - but no, a quick press of his hand against his own chest and Arthur frowned.

He was so sure he was stabbed, the memory fresh in his mind. And yet, he felt not even the slightest pressure of pain when he touched himself.

Merlin on the other hand, had blood pouring down his torso, the front of his blue shirt now soaked to a darkened color.

"Arthur," Gwen gasped, and he turned to look at her.

"Please, we have to hurry!" She was almost wailing. Behind them, Morgana stood frozen, her face pale and shocked.

He was itching to get up, abrupt lack of a hole in chest be damned, he would have gotten up without a single backward glance, hefted Merlin onto his arms, and rode back to Gaius as if the devil was on his heels.

But the fact that there  _was_ a _lack_  of a wound on his chest, as well as seeing Merlin's eyes, the usual blue overwhelmed with gold...

"He's a sorcerer," Arthur muttered. Gwen paused in her frantic movements of ripping her gown partially to come up with a strip from her inner skirts which she had wrapped around Merlin's chest and was knotting it, frowning as she stared at Arthur, her hands still.

"So?" A moment passed, and Arthur was startled when he could clearly see the disbelief and anger on her face.

"Arthur, he saved your life!" Gwen exclaimed, still holding an unconscious Merlin upright. "In fact, if it weren't for him, all of us would have been dead Arthur!" Her voice rose in tone, and yet she wasn't yelling, her hands clenching tightly on to Merlin.

Arthur squeezed his eyes closed.

"He  _lied_  to me Gwen," he said tightly. "He used  _magic_!" He looked back at her, and whatever she was about to say next didn't come as she took in the look on his face, her own expression finally softening.

"Arthur, I know this must be hard for you, but please! Whatever relationship you two had, don't let it all go just because of this," Gwen paused, panic starting to set in as she realized Merlin was barely breathing by now. "Please Arthur, no matter how you feel right now, you can't let Merlin die. You  _can't_ ," she stressed.

Arthur looked at Morgana's frozen form, his gaze sliding to Gwen's tear stricken face before he finally allowed himself to  _look_  at Merlin.

His heart skipped a beat.

All thoughts of that one fleeting moment of Merlin's eyes flashing gold were pushed to the back of his mind as he took in the pale, sunken form of his friend. Blood covered the entire front of his shirt, jacket, neckerchief, pants, and even the strip of cloth around Merlin's chest from Gwen's skirts, which had been a pale creme was now darkened with blood.

 _Merlin's_  blood.

Memories of Merlin laughing, his eyes twinkling with delight, mischief and  _happiness_  as he exchanged banters with Arthur, seemingly not a care in the world as he relentlessly teased the prince, and yet, more than once was a supportive pillar for Arthur to lean on, a hand, ready to bring Arthur out from his miseries.

The same pillar, now stood crumbling. The hand that once was held out for others, was drawn in, in need for someone else's hand now.

His mind was made.

Scrambling to his feet, Arthur ignored Gwen's startled outbursts, instead leaning down to pick his manservant up. He took in a deep breath when he felt how light, how  _fragile_  Merlin felt, but with a steely resolve, he pushed past Gwen and a still silent Morgana, heading to where he figured the horses still might be standing.

Behind him, he could hear Gwen worriedly coaxing Morgana along as well, and other than a quick, guiltily concerned thought for Morgana, the poor girl was the subject of Merlin's more than affectionate gestures after all, he tried to all together shut down his thoughts, opting to work as blankly as he looked on the outside.

Needless to say, he failed miserably in trying to silence the whirling storm of his inner thoughts the entire ride back to the castle, wincing and grimacing for the sake of Merlin with every jostle as they rode as fast as the horses took them.

* * *

When Gwen saw Merlin performing the spell, she didn't know how she felt at first. But all she knew, was that she trusted Merlin. The shocked look on his face when she hugged him, as if he couldn't believe she'd still stay be his side, almost broke her weeping heart. She made her decision then, that she'd always stay be Merlin's side, no matter what.

Sure, Gwen was upset that she hadn't been told about Merlin's magic, but it was nothing compared to how much she knew, she was  _firm_ to know that even if Merlin had magic, surely a man like him couldn't be evil. And surely enough, he was healing Arthur, wasn't he?

It proved her thoughts correct, when she heard and saw Arthur gasp and take in a heavy breath of air. Not being able to hold herself back any longer, she flung herself forward from Morgana's side, dropping beside Merlin.

And stopped, when she realized there was still blood pouring, but not from Arthur. From Merlin.

It didn't take Gwen long to make the connection, when she saw Arthur's pale yet perfectly healed chest, and Merlin's rapidly darkening shirt.

And to see Arthur so indecisive of bringing Merlin back to Gaius, it made the servant's temper rise. But one look at Arthur's eyes, the broken despair, the utter betrayed etched deep, and her temper deflated immediately.

Sympathizing, convincing Arthur to put aside his anger and help Merlin had made her feel thoroughly wrung out like a rag. But when she saw Morgana still standing there, pale and shocked, she felt even more sympathetic for Morgana.

It took her a while, but she eventually managed to nudge Morgana to the horses, thankfully just in time as Arthur swung himself on his horse after making sure Merlin was held tightly to the horse.

The whole way, none of them spoke a word, too occupied in their thoughts.

* * *

He lied to her.

Yes, he helped her to go to the Druids, but the whole time, he had magic  _himself_ , and didn't even offer to help Morgana? Did he not trust her, even after she trusted  _him_  with  _her_  own magic?

But when she saw him falling over Arthur, she wasn't sure what to think anymore. Yes, he lied to her, but if Gwen's increased sobs were anything to go by, he was now laying there, dying.

He said nothing.

And yet, he had more control in magic, more than anything Morgana had seen with the Druids.

When Gwen came to her, trying to make her move, she heard nothing of what she said, slowly making her own way to the horses, while Gwen lay a worried hand on her arm, alternating between casting quick concerned glances at Morgana, and long looks at Merlin, her face displaying the maid servant's despair clearly.

They rode on, saying nothing, though Morgana didn't think she could even say anything if she tried to, lest it should come out as a magically induced, frustrated yell to mirror the raging whirlwind of emotions within her.

And yet, when they reached the castle, they didn't say anything when she worriedly came along with them to Gaius, instead of staying behind like she might have.

She may have cared for Merlin, but right now, she wanted him to live, so he could answer her. She had many questions after all.

* * *

"Gaius!" How many times had he thrown open the door similar to this, but with his own hands instead of Gwen's and shouting out his servant's name instead of his servant's mentor.

The physician looked up, just like always, from whatever vile potion he may have been working on now, but instead of a raised eyebrow, shock, fear, and panic overwhelmed Gaius' features, all before it was wiped out with a cool mask of indifference. Distancing himself from the man Arthur carefully lay down on the bench so he could work without his hands shaking, betraying his concern for whom he was supposed to now treat.

"What happened?" Gaius' voice was steady, but Arthur could see clearly how he actually felt within.

"He used magic to save me."

Gaius' head whipped up, portraying disbelief and the perfect imitation of confusion, but when he saw the look on Arthur's face, it all melted.

"Oh my boy," he said, his voice soft as he turned back to Merlin.

"What have you done now?"

* * *

It amazed Arthur, how one moment the man looked so forlorn, gently caressing Merlin's face as if he had grown to see him as his son, which Arthur reminded himself, he probably had, to the physician Arthur had grown up seeing, smoothly barking out commands which Gwen hastened to carry out as he started gathering other potions, vials, rags, needles and threads.

"I need to get his shirt off sire," Gaius said suddenly, and Arthur frowned, taking a moment before he realized what Gaius meant.

"Of course," he moved forward, helping Gaius to hold Merlin upright as they removed his scarf, jacket, and unwound the strip of cloth before removing his shirt as well.

Arthur had to do his fingers into Merlin's shoulders to avoid dropping him back on the cot.

In the middle of his chest, was the exact same width, length, and Arthur was willing to bet depth, of the wound similar to what he himself had a while ago.

He figured, that Merlin must have done something like this for Arthur, but to actually be able to see Merlin's skin pulled apart, blood still flowing out, it made Arthur sick to the stomach. As it was, it took him a moment to regain his senses to realize Gaius was ordering him to place Merlin back down.

With gentle hands, he obeyed Gaius' commands, then stepped back, standing beside Morgana to watch Gaius tend to Merlin, Gwen assuring the physician.

The two royals watched on, as Gaius cleaned Merlin's wound, wiping away the fresh blood still pouring out - but slowly stopping, Arthur dreaded to think of what  _that_  meant when Gaius hadn't even started actually tending to the wound - and the dried blood underneath, the bowl of water beside him becoming darker with blood with every dip. He proceeded to stitch Merlin's wound closed, jabbing a needle into Merlin's skin accompanied by a light whimper that Arthur found himself grimacing. And finally, after applying honey over Merlin's skin, he beckoned to Gwen to help him sit up to swallow a random potion from Gaius' side.

As Gaius cleansed his hands, letting Gwen dispose of the dirtied water and put away the rags for cleaning, he let out a heavy sigh.

"He needs to rest sire, as do you. I'll let you know when he wakes," he nodded to Gaius, and turned. Morgana was still staring at Merlin, and now, he allowed himself to worry over the girl he had grown to see as his sister, gently placing a hand on her arm. She looked at him, and he tried offering her a small smile, one she didn't return. With a nod at Gaius, and one last look at Merlin, he started to lead Morgana away.

It wasn't until he was halfway there did he realize, the air cold against his chest seeping through the rip in the middle of his tunic and jerkin, that he hadn't even told Gaius that Merlin used magic to take  _Arthur's_ wound  _onto himself._

* * *

The first time Merlin awoke, he was greeted with the sight of a man sitting on a chair by his bed, the familiar blond hair making his stomach clench.

"Arthur?" His voice was raspy and dry, it was a wonder Arthur even heard him as he turned his head so quickly to look at him.

"How are you feeling?" Merlin asked. For a moment, there was uncomfortable silence as Arthur regarded him in disbelief, making Merlin wonder what he had said wrong.

"How am I feeling?" Arthur eventually managed to say. "Merlin! You-" he struggled for words, gesturing vaguely at Merlin before raking his fingers through his hair.

"You used magic," Arthur settled for flatly. Merlin blanched, trying to make connection with the words that had come out of Arthur's mouth and the memories that plagued him.

"I-what?" He said, trying for a dumb look. By the look on Arthur's face though, it was obvious he wasn't fooled.

"You used magic," Arthur repeated. Merlin felt as if his heart stopped.

"You threw all those bandits backwards without even looking at them!" Arthur exclaimed, his voice raising.

"And I was stabbed Merlin! I felt the sword go straight through my chest. So how is it that there is not even a single mark on my skin, and yet suddenly you have the same wound that was inflicted on  _me_?" Arthur was almost yelling now, standing up to stare down at Merlin with angered eyes.

Merlin swallowed, he didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes. He wanted to sink into his bed, but he couldn't. ' _There isn't any spell like that in the spell book,'_ Merlin thought dryly.

"You're sorry?" Arthur repeated, his voice low and incredulous before he started shouting again. "You betrayed me!"

"I didn't want to!" Merlin suddenly exclaimed, his eyes shooting open. But now that Arthur was waiting for him to speak, he felt his energy disappearing again. "I didn't want to," he repeated his own words weakly.

For a moment, there was silence, before Merlin dared to speak again. "Never a day had went by, Arthur, that I didn't want to tell you of my magic," he said morosely, staring at the ceiling above. He realized his chest was aching, as if a sword went through him, but then again, something like that happened didn't it?

"Then why didn't you?" Arthur asked quietly.

"I... At first I couldn't tell you Arthur," Merlin said. "You probably would have had me killed, and I like where my head is, thank you very much," Merlin joked without humor, still not looking at Arthur.

"But then..." Merlin trailed off.

"But then?" Arthur prodded. Merlin finally turned to look at Arthur.

"I don't know what you would have done," Merlin admitted.

Arthur shuffled uncomfortably. "I don't know what I would have done either," he replied gruffly, looking away.

"But... What  _are_  you going to do now Arthur?" Merlin asked, a hint of worry seeping his tone.

Arthur sighed, slowly sitting down again.

"I can't - I  _won't_ ," he corrected. "Tell my father about this," Merlin couldn't help the small sigh of relief. No immediate death then.

"But, I can't banish you either Merlin," Arthur said after a small pause. Merlin frowned in confusion.

"I… do want to know more about... All this," Arthur made a weird gesture towards Merlin, who figured it was supposed to represent his magic. "And we're definitely not done with this, but," Arthur paused. "I guess I can't get rid of you too easily Merlin. You've seemed to rub off on everyone here," Arthur said gruffly, clearing his throat. It took a while, but realization made a smile dawn on Merlin's face.

"Thank you sire," he said, for once with no jest. Arthur smiled back kindly, but he quickly wiped it off with a look of indifference.

"Now hurry up and get well soon Merlin. My boots need scrubbing, my armor needs polishing, my room needs cleaning, and heaven knows there's a humongous tear in my favorite jerkin!" Arthur exclaimed exaggeratedly as he got up. Merlin rolled his eyes fondly at the list.

"Alright, prat," they both didn't miss Arthur's smirk, and Merlin thought he heard Arthur mutter something that sounded a lot like 'selfless idiot'. His grin grew.

"And Merlin," Arthur stopped at the doorway, looking hesitantly at Merlin.

"Just... Be careful. If anyone else finds out about your magic... I can't promise what will happen next," he said. Merlin nodded seriously.

"Of course Arthur," he said. The prince nodded, looking uncertain before he let himself down the stairs, exiting Merlin's chambers.

Merlin blinked. That certainly went better than he thought.

* * *

The next time he woke up, he was greeted with the sight of raven black curls instead, looking at him intently with her sharp, grey green eyes.

"You're awake," she noted out. Merlin swallowed nervously. He's been doing that a lot often lately, he noticed.

Slowly, he started to sit up, wincing as he felt the stitches jolt in his chest.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"Why didn't you say anything?" It was Morgana who broke the silence first, but she didn't let him say anything.

"I came to you! I trusted you and you could have helped me! Instead you took me to the Druids! Why?" She burst out, her voice almost pleading.

"Morgana," Merlin started. "I... I couldn't," he said. This was so similar to talking with Arthur, but as worse in its own way.

"And why not?" Morgana bit back. Merlin sighed.

"All my life Morgana," he started. "All my life I grew up with my mother telling me not to tell anyone, and later Gaius," he exclaimed. "I... Just couldn't forget that too easily," he let out.

Morgana's gaze didn't soften though. "I trusted you with  _my_  magic," she pointed out.

Merlin rubbed the back of his neck, struggling to decide on how to answer that.

"And I should have trusted you with mine," he eventually admitted, hanging his head.

"Yes, you should have," Morgana said coldly.

They didn't say anything for a while, and when it looked like Morgana was going to leave though, he looked back up.

"Morgana, I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but," he paused.

"If you want, if you're willing to forgive me," he added guiltily. "I could teach you, to control your magic," he offered.

Morgana's eyes widened in surprise, the first emotion she showed since Merlin awoke.

"You would?" She asked uncertainly.

Merlin nodded. "As an apology," he said.

For the first time, he thought he could see a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'll have to think about it," but her twinkling eyes have her away.

She got up, starting to leave, and Merlin had to lean back heavily on his pillows. He desperately needed a rest before he had to encounter anyone else about his magic. He didn't think Gwen had much to say, the hug she gave him, catching him by surprise was proof of that but she still deserved an apology, and explanation.

And not to mention Gaius would lecture Merlin heavily once he told his mentor Arthur knew of his magic...

Morgana stopped at the doorway, much like Arthur, her voice bringing Merlin back to the present.

"And Merlin?" He looked at her, her back was to him and yet her head was tilted.

"Get well soon," she said.

Merlin smiled. "Thank you, Morgana."

* * *

**_Ic bebodræden sé grundwæg æt lætan mec áberan þes bealubenn onuppan exon. Ábregdan þes eorðgesceaft fram angsumnes, álætan mec æt ræfnan sé swær_ **

**_I command the earth to let me take this wound upon myself. Free this (earthly) creature from pain, allow me to carry the burden._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments please? Light up my day!   
> well its actually night, and it would be weird if it got lit.. but it means figuratively so i should probably be quiet now...


End file.
